If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
