i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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