I just pynch a tree in the face
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
