I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
