id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
