Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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