im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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