mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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