My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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