Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
