I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
