so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
