Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
