So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
