We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize