i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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