just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
