I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
