I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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