grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
