I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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