so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Panties = found
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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