I wish i was in the wii world.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
