Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
