Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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