Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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