so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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