I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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