Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
