yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
