Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My liver just broke up with me...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
