am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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