CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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