I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
