Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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