so that wasnt chicken after all
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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