a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
