that's an acceptable place to lick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
