Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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