how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
