We're like a lot better than the average bears
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
