when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
