plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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