Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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