I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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