He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
