i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
