By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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