Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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