he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
