dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
