I wannas sexs uuuuu
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
