wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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