mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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