so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
