I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
