My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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