Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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