ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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