meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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