Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
