To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
