Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize